Have you listened well enough to say it back to them? Check your understanding by repeating what you heard with empathy, starting with something like: “Have I got this right? You feel …” Instead of working out what to say next while the other person is speaking, just listen. The most effective discussions are when we listen carefully to the other person and try to understand. Shall we leave it there and chat again tomorrow/next week?” Listen to understand When you reach a good stopping point, say something like: “There’s lots to talk about. Remember, too, that sick or recently bereaved people have limited energy. Plan to chat for 10 minutes, or agree to press pause at a particular point, ready to return to the conversation later. Important conversations can go wrong if participants talk themselves to exhaustion. Inviting the other person allows them to consider and to prepare.īeing prepared also applies if someone catches you off-guard: it’s fine to say, “This is really important and I need some time to think before we have this conversation.” Pace yourself If there’s a delay, check you are not leaving them anxious about the discussion.

When would be a good time for you?” or “You seem worried about something and I wondered whether you’d like to talk about it some time?” They may agree to talk there and then.

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